Soulmates

A person specially created by the universe for us. A person we are going to be with forever through thick or thin, rain or shine. That person who will make us realise why it never worked out with anyone else and be grateful for that. Our one true love. Our soulmate. Does such a person exist? Or is it just a myth created by some sappy romantic?

Ancient Greek mythology posits that humans originally had four arms, four legs, male and female genitalia and a head with two faces. Fearing their strength,these humans were then separated into two by the gods. Each half spends its life longing and looking for its other half and when the two halves meet, their spirits connect on a deep level.

Awww isn’t that sweet.

Sometimes, I can see sense in the concept of a soulmate. I see these old couples who have been through everything together and still blush in each other’s presence. Couples who just seem to be designed for each other. They seem to support the belief that the soulmate does exist.

But most times I wonder, how possible is it for everyone to have a soulmate? How do you explain all the people who die lonely? Divorce rates are skyrocketing, some people never even fall in love. Faced with all this, how then can one justify the idea of a soulmate?

While pondering this issue, I came to several possible conclusions.

One is that maybe soulmates do exist but the catch is that not everyone is going to be fortunate enough to meet theirs.There are millions of people in prison right now, they have got to be someone’s soulmates right? How about those people who died prematurely in an accident? The 20 year old hottie who is madly in love with the 95 year old billionaire financier with a bad heart? If the soulmate does exist, then these people are someone’s soulmate right? And if they are in situations that will make it difficult, almost impossible to meet these soulmates, then it makes sense to say that their soulmates will also be lonely.

Or does the universe somehow choose who has a soulmate or not? “Well you are going to be one nasty piece of work and rot in jail so no soulmate for you.” “You are not going to be on earth very long so er no soulmate for you.” Is that how it works? Well if we are going to assume that soulmates exist, then we have to assume that everyone has one. You are trying on your new jumpsuit trying to look your best for the blind date you are hoping is your soulmate while your real soulmate is in the big house, trying on an orange jumpsuit of his own. You are graduating from Penn State excited about your future while your soulmate is applying for parole at the State Pen.

What if your soulmate chose money and comfort over love and happiness and is in the Bahamas trying to stomach the sight of her decrepit lover running around in speedos while you are stringing along your girlfriend of ten years, waiting for the one to come along? What if your soulmate is in a foreign country and you are too lazy to apply for a passport?

Yes. So maybe soulmates do exist, and some people are just never going to meet theirs for a variety of reasons. Poo.

Perhaps we are looking in the wrong place for our soulmates. Does it have to be a lover that completes us? Can’t it be a dear friend or family member? Two people have been friends since before they could talk, they are completely comfortable in each other’s presence and all that good stuff. Why can’t these people be accepted as soulmates? Who does it have to be someone with whom we have a romantic connection with? You are on your 5th marriage to someone you think might finally be the one when you might have had the one under your very nose the whole time; just not in the form you expected.

Frozen redefined the idea of true love and I found this to be the only redeeming quality in the film. I love that her true love was not some silly prince but her own sister. Maybe a person’s soulmate is not the person they marry or are in a relationship with. Your soulmate could be your best friend or your cousin or your grandmother. Too far?

Another theory is that it is possible that we do not have just one soulmate. Perhaps everyone has multiple numbers of true loves. It is possible to feel the soulmate type affinity with more than one person (maybe even at the same time). Carrie Bradshaw had two great loves; Aidan and Mr. Big. They both seemed perfect for her although I personally preferred Aidan. Honestly Mr. Big was horrible for her, but that’s a rant for another post. How many times have people spilt up with someone they thought was their happily ever after, only to end up falling deeply in love again? What of the widow who remarries? Does the fact that she is utterly besotted with her new beau mean her late husband was not really her soulmate? 

*Maybe we all know that the soulmate theory is bullshit, but we just choose to believe it because it makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside*

Are we making this too complicated for ourselves? Isn’t it easier to assume that there are no such things as soulmates and some people are just lucky enough to find the one person they can stand for the rest of their lives?

I think the concept of a soulmate sometimes puts too much pressure on relationships. People enter relationships expecting the other person to complete them; to be the missing piece of their jigsaw puzzle. They want to live in eternal bliss, like the people in the films do. If it is true love, then you have to be perpetually happy right? No off days. If he fails to complete your sentence once, get rid of him. If he fails to read your mind or does something to upset you, he has to go. If one day the butterflies flutter with a little less vigour, run to the court and get a divorce.

Are we confused about what a soulmate is? Maybe life with our soulmate isn’t meant to be easy and butterflies all through.

I often brush off the thought of a soulmate as ridiculous, but am I being too cynical?

So there, maybe there is no such thing as a soulmate, or maybe some people are just not lucky to find theirs. Maybe we look in the wrong places for our soulmates or maybe the term is not restricted to one person.

I end this article no clearer than I started it. Soulmate or not, everyone deserves to find the one person who makes us grateful it never worked out with anyone else. Or whatever.

I will end this with two quotes and an apology for the gratuitous use of the word “maybe”. I don’t remember the quotes verbatim but here they are:

“When you do find your soulmate, I hope you have the courage to tell her you are married”

“There is no such thing as a soulmate, and who would want there to be? I don’t want half of a shared soul. I want my own damn soul.” 

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