Someone almost walked off wid alla my stuff.

This is my favourite Ntozake Shange poem and one of my favourite poems. Loretta Devine recited it in Tyler Perry’s adaptation of For Coloured Girls but my absolute favourite recitation of this poem is done by Alfred Woodard. I’ve listened to her recitation over and over again and she brings the words to life. I’ve posted a link to the video and have also written out the words. 

There’s nothing left to die.

“There’s nothing to mourn about death any more than there is to mourn about the growing of a flower. What is terrible is not death but the lives people live or don’t live up until their death. They don’t honor their own lives, they piss on their lives. They shit them away. Dumb fuckers. They concentrate too much on fucking, movies, money, family, fucking. Their minds are full of cotton. They swallow God without thinking, they swallow country without thinking. Soon they forget how to think, they let others think for them. Their brains are stuffed with cotton. They look ugly, they talk ugly, they walk ugly. Play them the great music of the centuries and they can’t hear it. Most people’s deaths are a sham. There’s nothing left to die.”

How to avoid losing all your money

I was inspired to write this post after reading about NFL athletes who lost all the millions they earned during their career. It is inconceivable to most that someone who earned $80,000,000 in his career could now be bankrupt. Though a lot of people will never even make the amount of money these men have squandered, I figured the same advice could apply to everyone. We already know that we have to save and invest right? Well it is not enough to just put your money in an investment, there a few lifestyle changes you might have to make in order to avoid becoming penniless. Whether you are worth $1,000 or $1,000,000,000, here are some more tips on how to hold on to your money.

Women and money

The other day my sister gave a man some money and in appreciation, he prayed for her. In his prayer, he concentrated on asking God to give bless her with a wealthy husband. I found that strange. Why did he not pray for her to be wealthy, rather than wish for her to be the wife of a wealthy man?

I have seen this happen time and time again. A girl on twitter posts a picture of a luxury car and in her caption she prays for God to give her future still non existent husband the money to be able to buy such a car. Girls pray for their yet unknown husbands to be able to afford first class flights, luxurious estates and a generally lavish life, rather than hope that they are able to fund such lifestyles themselves. There is nothing wrong with praying for your future spouse, or in wishing for a successful partner but don’t forget about yourself.

The Lord giveth, and the wax taketh away.

I recently got a professional wax for the first time. Not only did I get my underarms waxed, I got the infamous Brazilian. Hair removal has always been a source of trouble of me because my skin is sensitive and is prone to bumps and ingrown hairs. Shaving just leaves my underarms a mess. Depilatory creams aren’t that much better. I have also tried epilators and self-waxing, all to no avail. I have not worn a sleeveless outfit out of my house in a long time. As a last resort, I decided to bite the bullet and go for a professional wax (actually my last resort was to get my underarms surgically removed). A perfunctory google search revealed there was a place nearby where I could get it done. I called to set up an appointment for the next day.

The general consensus is that waxing hurts like a beeyotch. I have heard tales of people drinking or drugging themselves beforehand to numb the pain. People talk about how they tried it once and were in so much agony they couldn’t complete the procedure and had to leave the spa half smooth, half hairy. I winced along with them, but deep down I thought it could not be that painful.

Say what?

For a long time, I always thought it was pronounced pro-CARS-tination? I would type that in and wonder why a red line appeared under. I wondered why it was spelled as procrastination when it was pronounced procarstination. English language makes no sense, I thought. Turns out I’m the one with tissue paper for a brain.

This reminds me of when I used to say “lame man” instead of ‘layman”. I blame my teachers for this one. Ever since primary school, I swear I thought I heard my teachers say “How would you explain this to a lame man” and I always wondered why people who weren’t knowledgeable in certain issues were referred to as lame. It actually baffled me but I thought oh well, it’s English. And then one day I posted a comment on a friend’s facebook status, calling her a lame man and she cracked up so hard! I was soon rolling in laughter when she corrected me. Seriously lame man? Nah I have to do better.

Oooh I suddenly have a bunch of stuff to talk about. I’m sure everyone has sang the wrong lyrics to a song before, thinking it was right. Well I do this all the time and then I google the lyrics or listen really carefully and I’m like O_o.

First off Last night Diddy ft Keyshia Cole

What I say:

Sad news

I hate to be so morbid, but there is just so much gore and sadness in the world. Topping the list of the horror stories I heard today is the story of an Indian woman who died due to complications arising from childbirth. That is sad enough, but the details of the story churned my stomach. The woman died because the head of her baby was left in her. Yes the doctors tried to pull the baby out and ended up tearing away her little body. Then they sent the mother home with her baby’s head still in her. The mother had to go to another hospital where the head was removed. Unfortunately her life could not be saved. When I read the headline of this story, I thought this is the worst thing I have ever and will ever read. I just wanted to turn off my computer.

Meanwhile in Honduras, a pregnant 16 year old girl passed out in a panic after hearing some gunshots. Then she allegedly started foaming at the mouth and her parents assumed she was possessed and took her for an exorcism (sigh). Hours later she was taken to the hospital where she was declared dead and was subsequently buried by her family. The only problem is that she wasn’t really dead and she woke up in her coffin, banging and screaming. Her family broke open the coffin and rushed her to the hospital, where she was again pronounced dead. The girl was three months pregnant at the time. How could this have happened? How could they have assumed she was dead?

I have a problem with the superstitiousness of people. A pregnant woman foams at the mouth and demonic possession is immediately suspected. The girl should have been rushed to the hospital immediately, not taken to an exorcist. It is just so irresponsible.

One common feature of both stories is the shoddy healthcare. The doctors (and the hospital) were not equipped to handle the delicate delivery which led to them botching it so badly. There is no reason for the woman to have gone through such a horrific thing, and for her husband to have to live with the losses. It is possible the girl from Honduras was in a coma, but she was still pronounced dead by the hospital. It makes me wonder just how many people have been buried alive. How many people have woken up wondering where they were, only to realise they were trapped in an airless box. How long did it take before they really died? How scared were they? How long did they scream for before they realised no one was coming for them?

I am sure poverty had a role to play. If the people in both stories were wealthy, then they could have had access to better healthcare. A father would not be mourning his wife and daughter. A girl would not have had to wake up in a coffin. The four deaths could have been avoided. Death is hard enough but it has to sting more when it could have been so easily prevented.If you have access to safe healthcare, consider yourself one of the lucky few. So many people do not have the privilege. If you are British, appreciate the NHS. It is so easy to take goof fortune for granted.

Rest in peace to the ones who died, and to the little ones taken away before they got a chance to live life.

WTF news

The world is bad and bad things happen ever so often, so often in fact that we have become numb and desensitised to them. But then I hear of a story that just leaves me speechless. Here are some of the horrible stories I have read recently, in no particular order.

Exorcism through rape: What does one do when a loved one is having visions of goats? Probably not conclude that she is possessed by demons and then take her to church for a violent exorcism. That’s what happened to a sixteen year old girl in Argentina. In order to fully exorcise the girl from demonic goats, the pastor ordered for her to be gang raped and then asked her elder sister to gouge out her eyes. What goes on in some people’s minds? Are they evil or plain stupid? Are they brainwashed? Why would anyone believe that blinding her sister is a good thing to do?  How could anyone stand by and watch a daughter/sister be tortured? The pastor needs to be locked up because he probably has a few more exorcisms in his arsenal. Words are futile to explain how awful this story is. Poor girl condemned to a life of pain because of the stupidity and ignorance of people.

Farid Fata: Doctors are good and brave and invaluable to society, but they are not exempt from greed and evil. Farid Fata is an awful human being who swindled his patients out of money by lying to them that they had cancer. When I first read the story, I was shocked but even more horrified when I found out that he actually performed chemotherapy and other treatments on people who did not need them! I assumed he just pretended to treat them and took their money while slipping them placebos but he actually ruined the health of his patients. Farid told one patient of his that she had terminal cancer which drove her husband into a depression and led her to give away her belongings. Another patient reported his teeth fell out and his body twitched uncontrollably thanks to the needless treatments Farid made him undergo. Farid did not just prey on the healthy, he also sold dreams to the terminally ill, making them to believe they could be healed. This case is just horrible and I hope Farid is punished to the fullest extent of the law.

Heroes are rapists too. I am in awe of firemen and I respect them a lot. I rarely hear of firemen doing bad things so I was stunned when I read this. A fireman saved a nine year old girl from a burning building, and raped her. Then he threatened to kill her mother if she told anyone. What a scumbag. I imagine the girl never thought to be afraid of a fireman, especially one who had come to rescue her. I wonder just how many other girls and women this pervert has assaulted. Disgusting.

More appalling news. A 17 year old German girl was kidnapped near her house while walking her dog. A few minutes later, the kidnappers used her phone to call her father to demand a million euros in ransom. The father could hear his daughter screaming in the background. That was the last sound he heard from her. The family was contacted for the last time the next day, before the kidnappers stopped communicating with them. Police speculate that the girl was killed because the kidnappers were afraid she could identify them as they weren’t wearing masks. This story saddens me because it is just so fucked up and unfair. It is bad enough that you have just kidnapped a person, but if you do not want to be recognised, then wear a mask! Her parents were cooperating fully with them, even writing them an open letter to let them know their demands would be met. Only for the poor child to be killed. A life was just wasted and for what? The girl must have been so terrified. I can’t even think of what her parents are going through. It makes me so mad.

 

What does your handwriting say about you?

On the 11th day of October 2013, I was in Los Angeles. My family and I were traipsing around town (traipsing is my new favourite word) when we came across this handwriting analyser. According to him, a person’s handwriting reveals things about them and so he could tell certain traits about a person simply by looking at their handwriting. We decided to give it shot. I had to copy the following statement in my handwriting.

It is not because things are difficult that we don’t dare; it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.

He proceeded to perform his hocus pocus on my handwriting. The very first thing he said upon seeing my handwriting was

Ewww Blood!

A few days ago, the news of a woman who ran the London marathon while on her period made waves on the internet. This may not sound shocking, as lots of women run while menstruating, but usually these women have a sanitary product to help absorb the blood. Kiran Ghandi chose to run the race with blood flowing freely unto her clothes.

I am wary about actions like this, especially since the Free Bleeding movement arose. Till this moment, I am not sure if this movement is just a joke or if it for real. I hope it is the former. My first reaction when I saw this was: “ugh bloody free bleeders! Is this really necessary?”. I believe this was the reaction of most people. My second thought was about blood flowing freely onto my own body and I was disgusted all over again.

If perchance you have been living under a rock with no wifi, you may be wondering what the free bleeding movement is all about. Succinctly put, some feminists have allegedly branded pads, tampons et al as patriarchal agents of blah blah and are making a statement by allowing the blood to flow freely. If I recall correctly, there was something about tampons being a device to trick women into raping themselves. These women took to twitter to share pictures of their blood stained clothes. My research revealed that all this was a hoax started by “4chan” to paint feminism in a bad light. What I’m not sure about is if some actual feminists took the bait or if all the free bleeders are hoaxers.

It gets worse. There are some free bleeders who allegedly cook with their period blood, and put up pictures of their culinary delights. I don’t fully believe that someone out there is really menstruating into a measuring cup, but anything is possible.