On Insecurities.

One Friday night about two months ago, during a never ending meeting, I began to think of my insecurities and how they have shaped my personality. This put me in a sour mood and I was actually in low spirits about this. Then I woke up on Saturday morning feeling myself and couldn’t stop staring at myself in the mirror. I am so weird.

Over the weekend, I met up with a friend, and her friend came over and we all got to talking. Soon the conversation turned to us assuring the third girl that she was attractive and that boys were attracted to her. We all swore to her that she was beautiful and that the insecurities she was so concerned by did not matter at all.

Lots of us, like my friend’s friend, are insecure of things only because because they think the opposite sex will not find these things attractive. Simple. If there were no boys, we would not even fret about certain things. The crazy thing is that the boys do not even notice most of these flaws. It is so unreasonable to hinge our confidence on if another imperfect human will appreciate our little flaws.

A person racked with insecurities may decide to be preemptive and mention these flaws first in an attempt to seem unbothered. “Oh look at my cellulite”. By doing this, the cellulite has been brought to the attention of someone who may not even have noticed if it had not been mentioned.

We are all dealing with insecurities, if you look deep enough you will find something that will drive you crazy. We tell our friends they are beautiful and that they are crazy for thinking otherwise, yet we forget to tell ourselves the same. It is a cycle of moans and reassurance. Friend A feels her thighs are huge, so friends B-Z gather around to tell her they are not. When that is over, friend B starts to moan about her stretch marks, friends A, C-Z tell her they are inconspicuous and she shouldn’t bother about them. Then it is friend C’s turn to complain about her belly. It is fascinating to me. We are so confident when it comes to the insecurities of others, yet so engrossed in ours. When a friend tells me something I am insecure about is “not that bad”, I don’t believe her because I think she is just being nice. Yet two minutes later, I am genuinely telling her that her own insecurities are “not that bad”.  Do we say these things just to be nice, or do we judge ourselves more harshly?

Listening to other women whine about their microscopic scars and non existent cellulite strangely made me feel better about myself. In that moment, I truly realised that none of it matters. Even our body/hair/fitness/life goals will have something they want to change. We actually look a bit silly whining about these frivolous things, but hey I guess it is good to release. I also got to see why a low self esteem is so destructive, and why some women use sex as an esteem booster. My friend’s friend really thought she was ugly because she had convinced herself that no boy wanted to sleep with her. How weird. Lots of boys will literally sleep with anyone who will let them, and a pretty girl is feeling down because… man, there are levels to this insecurity business.

I have a few insecurities, physical and non physical.  I do not dwell on them too much, mainly because I am quite laid back and do not dwell on much. However, I am aware of them, and I actively seek out ways to correct them. Of recent, I have started to view myself in a slightly different way. Maybe these things are more than “not that bad”, they might even be beautiful. I have not achieved true carefree black girl status yet, but I am not incapacitated by these insecurities. My eyebrows are never on fleek, and save for eyeliner and lipgloss I pretty much carry my face everywhere the way it is. Yet there may be some girl out there with flawless features who cannot leave her house without a full face of bridal makeup. This same girl may be completely confident about some other ‘imperfection’ that I personally would keep covered.

I don’t know if it is possible to be completely rid of insecurities. What I will say is stop letting them rule your life. Try to proactive about them, rather than moaning and driving yourself into depression. If you want to be fitter, eat healthier and exercise more. Acne (bacne)? Apple cider vinegar/ epsom salt bath should help. Hell, just suck in your tummy and go on and live your life hunnny! Haha.

These insecurities that have crippled you, nobody sees them.

PS: If you have any proven tips for ingrown hairs and a generally flawless underarm region, let me know. Help a sister out.



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