I AM WHAT I AM

I love when I come across new songs in the most random ways. I usually take note of one or two lines and then google the lyrics when I can. Today I was watching a clip on Facebook and caught a few words of the soundtrack. The song is I am what I am by Gloria Gaynor. I think the message is great; sometimes we have to stop excusing our persons-flaws, beauty and all- and just say ” I am what I am”.


I am what I am

I am my own special creation
So come take a look
Give me the hook or the ovation

It’s my world that I want to have a little pride in
My world and it’s not a place I have to hide in
Life’s not worth a damn
‘Til you can say I am what I am

I am what I am
I don’t want praise, I don’t want pity
I bang my own drum
Some think it’s noise, I think it’s pretty

And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
Why not try to see things from a different angle
Your life is a sham
‘Til you can shout out, I am what I am

I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the ace, sometimes the deuces

It’s one life and there’s no return and no deposit
One life. So it’s time to open up your closet
Life’s not worth a damn
‘Til you can shout out, I am what I am

I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the ace, sometimes the deuces

It’s one life and there’s no return and no deposit
One life. So it’s time to open up your closet
Life’s not worth a damn
‘Til you can shout out, I am what I am

I hate love.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.

You build up all these defences, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
Neil Gaiman

…you will always be kind

I hope you will have a wonderful year,

that you’ll dream dangerously and outrageously,

that you’ll make something that didn’t exist before you made it,

that you will be loved and that you will be liked,

and that you will have people to love and to like in return.

And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind.
Neil Gaiman

I want everything.

“I am awfully greedy; I want everything from life. I want to be a woman and to be a man, to have many friends and to have loneliness, to work much and write good books, to travel and enjoy myself, to be selfish and to be unselfish… You see, it is difficult to get all which I want. And then when I do not succeed I get mad with anger.”

Simone de Beauvoir

One year later…

I have had this blog for a year now.

Well technically I started writing here on March 7 2015 so I am late, but life happened. Plus I don’t think that it is a big deal. I don’t really feel anything about this, but one year is a milestone so here goes: Happy one year anniversary to my blog.

I haven’t posted everyday during this year, I don’t have a theme, and there is really no structure to the madness. But it has been nice having a place where I can share some of my thoughts, and express my love of RUMI.

When I really think about it, I realise a lot has happened in this period, but I stay detached and experiences are like oil to my water. I have noticed a change in myself this year and I am equal parts excited and terrified for what the future brings. Sometimes I wish I could peek into my life 5 years from now, to see how things will be. Sometimes I scare myself by thinking: what if nothing changes? What if I am in this exact same spot, daydreaming about the same things and watching life pass me by? Change is scary, but even scarier is remaining the same.

What will my life be like 5 years from now, I wonder? Will I be happy and fulfilled?  Will I still be alive? Will I have fallen victim to a maniac suicide bomber? Life has this way of being completely unpredictable, tossing you in directions in which you never expected. Whatever happens, I hope to be alive, I hope to be happy, and I hope to always have a reason to laugh.

 

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

RUMI

I don’t want to be female no more!

I remember the first time I saw a woman complain about the word ‘female’. It was on twitter and she was ranting about how it was offensive to refer to women as ‘females”. At the time, I rolled my eyes to the back of my skull and sighed as people began to bash feminism.

Fast forward a few weeks, and I started to see her point. I realised that whenever the word female was used in a tweet, it was only in a derogatory manner. Besides, it is not grammatically correct to say a female. A female what? A female sheep is a ewe. A female lion is a lioness. A young female human is a girl. An adult female human is a woman. Using females just sounds daft.

My outrage was short lived though. I soon realised that it is not the word that is offensive, rather how it is used. Banning the word will not erase the offensive feelings that drive it. A person who uses female in a derogatory manner will simply transfer the feelings to the word “woman”. Then what? We ban the word woman? We cannot allow words and symbols associated with us to be overtaken by negativity. We cannot simply stop using a word because some people start using it negatively.

I then began to see this pattern everywhere. So many groups are discarding certain words and fighting to be disassociated from them because of the negativity they imply. How many times have you heard someone say “I am not a feminist, I prefer to be a womanist/humanist/blahblah”? More often than not, these people are rejecting the word feminism because of the negative stereotype attached to it. So they think referring to themselves as womanists will insulate them from the negativity of the word feminist. The problem here is that feminist in itself is not a bad word, it is what it stands for that offends people. Simply changing its name will not change the perception.Whatever variation of the word will still receive the same hostility given to feminist. It will only be a matter of time before people start to talk about the womanazi.

I have also noticed this issue with dwarves. For a long time, I knew one of these words-dwarf, midget- was considered offensive, but I could never remember which one it was Then I read somewhere that they were both offensive and that they would rather be referred to as little people. I am very reluctant to refer to a dwarf as a little person. That sounds so patronising to me, especially if the person is not a child/older than I am. I started wondering how exactly the words came to be offensive. Dwarfism is a biological condition, it is not a slur coined to degraded those with the condition. How then did dwarf become offensive? Midgets are dwarves whose limbs are proportional to their bodies. Again, how did this become offensive?

My opinion is that society is not as kind as it could be towards dwarves, thus making the word acquire a negative connotation. I can just see people using dwarf as an insult. Is it any surprise that they wish to distance themselves from the word? Midget was also acceptable once upon a time, but slowly became an offensive word too. I read somewhere that young dwarves use midget the way black people use nigger. It is offensive so you cannot say it, but we can.

Again what needs to be changed is the attitude towards dwarves, not the name. Changing the acceptable word changes nothing, if people still harbour negative feelings. These feelings will simply be transferred to “little people”.

Calling a woman a bitch is offensive, because the word means female dog. Nigger is also offensive because it was coined to be so. There are other offensive words like these. However innocuous words should not be discarded simply because they have been hijacked and made to have a negative connotation. The sentiments will follow us no matter how much we distance ourselves from the words.

I will still roll my eyes when I see someone talking about ‘females’(ugh), but I won’t go on a longwinded rant. It is just not worth it.