Schrödinger’s Interview

Hope.

It’s such a silly thing.

I had a job interview yesterday-over the telephone-and I was told I would get feedback in the next 2-3 working days. The interview did not go as well as I had hoped and so I am understandably nervous.

Today I opened my email and there is one from them. I was not expecting to hear back from them until Monday or so but there it was. The excerpt of the email I can see without opening it says:

“We have enjoyed learning about your strengths…”
I have no idea what is next. It could be.

“…and we are pleased to inform you that you have progressed to the next stage.”

“…but unfortunately…”

I have not opened the email, I am too nervous to. This is silly because what has happened has happened. Refusing to open the email will not change the outcome, is it not best to just open it and see what it says? But hope is such a silly powerful thing. By not opening the email, I still have a chance. I have simultaneously been successful and unsuccessful in the interview. By not reading it, I can hold on to this shred of hope that I am dangling on, and prolong my blissful ignorance for a bit.

When I was at University, I would see a email notifying us of our grades and not be able to open it for the fear of disappointment. I would ignore it for a while and then psych myself to just open it. This is the way I-and many people-deal with the possibility of unsavoury news.

At the moment I am fine; I am watching television, eating, and laughing. If I am asked about the interview, I can say “oh I don’t know yet” There is a possibility I have been rejected but there is also a possibility that I have not been so I exist in this delicate balance propped up by hope. Reading the email and finding out I have been rejected will ruin this delicate mood.

Yet whether or not I read it now or ever will not change what is in it. I am doing myself a disservice by not reading it because I am reducing the time I have. What if the email contains instructions that must be followed swiftly? Yes it is daft, but I have to protect this feeling; after I open the email I would either be exponentially happier or become quite low in spirits.

I hit snooze and burrow further into hope. Just five more minutes, then I’ll read it.

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