When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
A few months ago, I was in a state of complete and utter disarray. I had just completed a chapter in my life and did not know what was next. I felt that my procrastination had caught up with me and that I was paying the price for not taking life so seriously. I was convinced that I had failed in all aspects and that it was all my fault; I had coasted for so long and the universe was tired of me freeloading.
Exactly four months to this day, I had just handed in my dissertation. True to nature, I had started working on it late, and managed to complete the formatting just before the deadline. I was not even sure the dissertation fulfilled the requirements, and as I hadn’t managed to have a meeting with my supervisor I was in the dark.
I had to move out of student accommodation right after. I had a found a place to move into, or so I thought. After a tiring game of cat and mouse with the estate agent- which ended in me sending an angry email typed out through teary eyes- I was informed that I could not move in and that my deposit would be refunded.
The completion of every other milestone in my life had been followed by something else that I knew was coming. Life was predictable and structured for me, all I had to do was go through the paces. But I had now reached the end of the road and it diverged into a thousand roads and a dead end at the same time.
I had to get a job. There was no other option and I had three months to do it. All the applications I sent out were futile; even as I sent them out I did not expect them to be fruitful.
This was all my fault, I thought. I did not deserve success because I hadn’t worked hard enough. I would look at my friend who had her life sorted- a job waiting for her, a nice place to stay- and think she deserved everything because she had not procrastinated.
My personality is very chill. I have this internal regulating system that calms me down when things threaten to get too stressful. One minute I am stressing out over the future, the next minute I shrug and think life will sort itself out and go back to watching television. But now I was genuinely scared that I had been too chill. Yes I was applying for jobs quite often but it was not enough. My mates who got jobs were clearly putting in more work. Then Self-doubt began to creep in. I could never get any of these jobs because I just was not as qualified. Everyone else would be much smarter, and deserving.
But I kept applying, and even though I thought I was working hard enough I was still putting in work. I applied to this particular company so many times I was expecting a restraining order in the mail or a phone call from an exasperated HR official begging me to stop applying.
Then one day, a day as random as any other, I was invited to take a few tests. No biggie, I had taken loads of tests before. Then a telephone interview. That was a first. I had had a video interview before, but besides that I had not progressed beyond the initial tests. Then an invitation to an assessment center. Then a presentation and an interview. Then an offer.
I received my results the next day, and not only did I get a distinction in the dissertation I was so worried about, I got a distinction overall.
I found the perfect place that ticked all my boxes for a lot less. Today makes it a month since I moved in.
I then proceeded to spend the rest of the year chilling like a villain and camped out on Netflix without any tremors in my heart.
Everything good did come. [Well my mother may disagree seeing as I have not introduced any love interest to her]
I start work in a couple of days, and while I will miss having nothing to do, I am grateful for the opportunity. I know there will be challenges along the way, and I hope to be able to deal with them with grace and come out a better, more fah-bulous person.
I am still a very chill person who does not take life too seriously. Moving forward I want to maintain some of the calm but be a lot less lazy. I want to do what I need to do when I need to so I don’t end up exhausting myself trying to catchup.
Everything good will come, and in 2017 I expect no different. Happy New Year lovelies!
It’s a new dawn.
It’s a new day
It’s a new life for me
And I’m feeling good.