Self care vs Self Destruction

Treat yo self!

Even before Tom Haverford and Donna Meagle introduced us to the Treat Yo’Self day on the hit show Parks and Recreation, social media has been awash with the self care craze.

Tom describes the day: “Treat. Yo. Self. Once a year, Donna and I spend a day treating ourselves. What do we treat ourselves to? Clothes. Treat yourself. Fragrances. Massages. Treat yourself. Mimosas. Fine leather goods…It’s the best day of the year.

I always try to do self-care but thanks to my anxiety I never truly feel relaxed. My laziness also deserves a shout-out because why leave my room for a deep tissue massage when I can stew in bed and watch Netflix all day? I so badly want a carefree day with a full body massage, facial, body scrub, manicure and pedicure, but I end up painting my nails at home and ordering food. Ooooooh food 🙂 That is my form of self-care “You’ve been feeling depressed and anxious lately, cheer yourself up by ordering take-out, treat yo’self!”; “yes get sweets and chocolate, you’ve had a stressful week, treat yo’self!” “Don’t stress yourself cooking. Just order more food. You deserve it. Treat yo’self!” “Don’t worry about all the sugar and the havoc it’s wreaking in your skin and waistline. Treat yo’self!”

In recent times I have been so stressed and anxious that I have treated myself more often than usual, and it all has to do with food. I have not cooked dinner in quite a while now because I have just placed an order on deliveroo or went out to get food (it’s okay treat yo’self!). Even though I try to stay away from sugar, every now and then I get junk from the store (you are so stressed babe treat yo’self!). My stomach has been permanently bloated for weeks and my skin is in shambles.

I am starting to think that perhaps these are not actually acts of self-care but rather tiny acts of self-destruction borne out of boredom and loneliness. Whoa that took a turn. In one of my last posts, ironically also about self care, I wrote about how I started obsessing over Indian food because I watched a YouTube video about it and went and bought a bunch of Indian food. I did end up enjoying it, but I did have a moment when I asked myself why I did that. There I was in bed (where I’d been all weekend) watching telly with a plate of dry biriyani, I did not feel relaxed or refreshed, my self did not feel taken care of.

It is so much easier said than done; but I would really like to have a self care day complete with all the works. A full day with candles, nice smells, perfect temperature, a full body scrub, deep tissue massage, deep cleansing facial, spa manicure and pedicure, culminating in a deep restful sleep. When I awake I want to feel light and reborn. I want to have no worries and stress, and I want my skin to be clear and beautiful.

Yesterday I decided to start living the life I’m dreaming of and actually booked an appointment to do my nails. I am happy I did this and I lurrrveeee my nails. I like them so much that I decided to create a monthly budget for doing my nails and other self-care related activities. As a big babe there is really no reason for my nails to be raggedy and doing them myself is not a vibe. Next stop is booking a facial and body scrub/massage. Then a staycation! All I need is to stop dreaming about it and just do it.

I feel better already. I also went out and got myself candles, diffusers, and nice room sprays. Every time I catch a whiff of the scent my mood is lifted. I was feeling a bit stressed about a decision I had to make but instead of stewing in it and letting it ruin my day, I called a friend of mine to discuss this. She gave the best advice and now I feel more confident and less worried. Henceforth, my acts of self-care must be intentional and result in me feeling better. No longer shall self care revolve around food (unless that makes me feel better which let’s be honest it usually will).

Ah the joys of adulthood.

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